I had physical therapy today — PT intake, etc. I like the therapist. She does not like my plastic boot — and has ideas about what it should be, although whether insurance will pay for #2 so soon after #1 is debatable.
She says, however taht this isn’t just “foot drop” but right leg er the word she said sounded like Paralysis without the “l” — but paralysis fits pretty well. It’s progressing above my knee, which is why I’m loosing stability there.
I checked in with the MD, she checked in with the MD. The MD called me back herself and said she couldn’t reach the radiation oncologist or the neurologist and wondered if ordering an MRI asap would make any difference. I said I’d thought about that one too, but I’m due to go out of town monday nigth (rotten timing!) and I continue to be voting for scar tissue, only that it’s scar tissue that’s not done forming.
My rational, the tumor in that area shrank a lot from one MRI to the next, which it can only do if it has tried to grow. (I don’t fully understand this, but it’s what the doctor says and John the scientist understands it, so I accept it.) I believe that that area of my brain also tried to grow — ie refresh itself, replace cells, etc. And discovered that the radiation they’d used back at the gamma knife surgery time had caused a problem there the same as for the tumor. Wa La, scar tissue forms. My brain fusses and fumes and gets annoyed, and there I am — Annoyed Brain Syndrome stopping me from walking — oops sorry that’s my own shorthand
So my theory is that the scar tissue isn’t done forming. Because I like that one better than the theory that there’s a new tumor developing in the same area that was too small to see at the last MRI but is developing fast enough to screw things up this badly. Part of that is that the scar tissue flare showed at the MRI, while no new tumors did, and it was a high res MRI.
Waiting for the next MRI to find out more sucks. Not melting down and panicking sucks. Having to travel to FL and pack up my (deceased) mother in law’s house in the miserable heat and humidity for two weeks, away from home, sucks. I’m frightened by a lot of this. But mostly I’m doing my best to ignore it and go with the scar tissue theory, because I’m done with cancer for now. Sometimes it’s easier to say that then others.
I have a rented wheel chair, which helps. I don’t want to have to use a wheel chair all the time. But I really don’t want to fall. The idea of falling scares me a lot.
On top of everything else, our geriatric dog has been doing worse and worse. He has good days, but they are mixed. He’s taking several medications, and they all help some, but not fully, and the time seems to have come to just let him go. Especially since we’ll be out of town for two weeks and he’s unpredictabley doubally incontantant, although less so with medications. And his back legs slide out from under him — but so do mine. I made an appointment to have him euthanised tomorrow, but I keep wondering if it’s really the right thing. I think so. I think his quality of life isn’t so good — he spends more time putting his food beside his bowl rather than sucking it down like a vacuume cleaner. I’ve never taken a dog still moving under his own power to be euthanised though, they’ve all be at an obvious too sick point — kidney failure, cancer, broken back from a car. This one’s hard.
